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A Plea For Forgiveness (when you realize you've got it all wrong)

Whew...it's been an interesting couple months. As I shared in the last update, God has already fulfilled a major part of the initial vision for using Baseball for His glory in Kosovo. Beyond even our lofty (at least in my mind) expectations.

As I was processing all this upon my return, I found myself in an interesting place. I was amazed by the way God fulfilled this part of the vision. Six independent clubs now exist in Kosovo! A National Federation! WOW! God is doing some amazing things beyond my imagination.

I was hopeful and joyful, and yet, I found myself slipping in to despair, and then depression.

I was energized...and yet couldn't motivate myself to work.

I had vision...but wouldn't see what God was doing.

(In fact, I started writing a blog to process this all...and am shocked by my shortsightedness. I never posted it, but I would be "happy" to share it with you privately if you want...shoot me an email)

I wanted to embrace the challenges...but feared the difficulty.

I was building community...but isolating myself.

I understand that a lot of the above splits make no sense. Believe me...I know.

The ministry that God has called me in to is so much larger than I expected. It's so much larger than anything I can do on my own. And while I acknowledged that and "believed" it, I wasn't allowing myself to fully trust God that he is doing everything He says he is doing.

Most of this centered on finances. I haven't trusted that God will provide. I haven't had the perspective that God CAN COMPLETELY SUSTAIN AND FUND EVERYTHING HE WANTS ME TO DO. (disclaimer...not at all going down the road of prosperity gospel, name it and claim it, or anything like that. Please pray that I don't go down that road. Seriously. Pray right now!)
We have lived on support for 6 years. For 6 years we have been woefully undersupported. We've postponed savings, utilize public services, accepted poverty, etc. For 6 years I have seen support raising as a necessary evil; as a means to an end that I absolutely hated.

My heart and view of God's provision was wrong. It was sinful.

I have repented, and pray daily that the Lord will continue to develop a right and true understanding of how HE provides.

Please, as a reader of this blog, forgive me for my wrong perspective of how God is calling you and me to minister together. I haven't cared enough for those of you who are financially partnering with us...and for that I am sorry.

God is really tearing down my preconceptions and walls of arrogance and self dependence. It has been painful...and PRAISE GOD for it! He has renewed my mind and thinking....He has taught me a lot about how He provides, and what he is calling me to do.

Instead of hating support raising, I am now EXCITED to do it...because it's not about money. It is about mobilizing God's people to make an impact, its about seeing partners in ministry grow and see God's love and strength.





Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2016 at 2:04 AM

    Amen my friend... A quick story on how God provides what we need. On my way back from Italy, I realized, on the plane, that I was out of baseballs for our next trip to Nicaragua in a week. My wife and I asked God for the means and when the plane landed and we arrived home, there in my front yard were about a hundred baseballs in 2 boxes. God has your back my friend, even Mother Teresa sometimes doubted our father. Remember, not to worry, as He commands. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matt 6:25-27 NIV Juan Bustos

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